The holiday season of eating (between Halloween and New Years) is here! Ready to gain some weight? Where would you like it to go? On your hips, your thighs? How about some belly fat? Well, usually us fitness pros offer tips for helping people manage their weight during this time of the year but, for a kick, let's see what we can do to help you GAIN some weight this year.
Ahem. Hmm, let me think... I've got it!
My winning tips to help you gain plenty of "coveted" weight (aka body fat) this holiday season:
1. Don't plan. Planning will take away from the spontaneity of the season. If you take precious time (which could be used to sit and watch the fall line up and holiday specials, by the way) to plan your eating and workouts you'll make it hard to give in to your busy schedule. Options for maintaining your fitness schedule won't let you to skip workouts. Coming up with remedies for eating on the run will only make you think about what you're putting in your mouth way too much. You'll then find it more difficult to stuff yourself with whatever super fatty, nutrient-poor "food" product you find along the way. Freedom rings, right? Just go with the flow.
2. Stop working out. Exercise will build fat burning muscle tissue and burn way too many of your excess calories, not good for adding more jiggle to your wiggle. Your body won't get a chance to slap the new fat on your butt, thighs, and tummy. You're going to be WAY too busy anyway. And, there's always tomorrow... (insert echo of "tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow").
3. Eat it all up! The holidays only come once a year. Eat, drink, and be merry, right? Don't hold back or worry yourself with portion control. Having some of your holiday treats is not the same as gorging yourself until you feel sick. Be sure to eat fast, too. Fat-laden, sugar-filled goodies pack a high calorie punch in every bite. If you eat fast, you'll have downed loads of calories before you know it and in no time flat since your brain takes about 20 minutes to receive the information that you're full.
4. Be inflexible. You MUST stay on your best-seller diet and you can ONLY go to the gym to exercise. There are no other options for success. Don't find ways to create healthy moments, or introduce movement and healthier eating into your daily lifestyle. Avoid burning more calories by taking the stairs or parking farther away from the entrance at the mall. No working out at home or outside. Don't take ten minute walking breaks or encourage walking meetings at work. No replacing your hot cappuccino-mocha-frappa-calorie-laden coffee with hot cider or herbal tea, or having half your meal boxed up for leftovers while ordering when eating out. And, by all means, no healthier versions of holiday favorites or new recipes.
5. Go hungry. Do not pack food and water with you when you run those long hours of errands and endless shopping. No managing your time with periodic breaks. Better to eat on the run, or better yet starve until you get home. Yay! That way you'll be more likely to eat whatever is around, including fast food or my personal fav, high calorie/low nutrient junk food. Mmmmm.
6. Focus on socializing. Pay no attention to how many hors d'oeuvres, appetizers, or other party-mingle foods you eat during your festive events and get-togethers. Just keep something in your hands and aimlessly feed the whole night through. Be sure to stand/sit right near the food table for easy access and increased temptation. Also, you absolutely must NOT eat something healthy before you go or you might decrease your appetite, thereby lessening your desire to eating uncontrollably . And we can't have that.
7. Say 'yes'. No matter how full you feel, always say 'yes' when asked if you want more of any food item. You're trying to pack on the pounds so you've got overeat consistently. After all, you need an accumulation of about 3,500 excess calories just to gain one pound. A polite "No, thank you I've had enough. Everything was wonderful" simply won't due. Your host will not understand since he/she WANTS to help you on your weight-gain quest, right?
8. Eat late. Awesome weight gain tactic. Eating more earlier in the day and less as the day progresses is not the best way to gain weight. Instead, fill up on calories, then chill on the couch or, even better, head off to bed. Those calories won't have any where else to go but on your hips and thighs since you won't be using them in your sleep. And, since you're going to be skipping your workout the next day, your body will have all the time it needs to stock pile the fat in all the places you desire. Oh yeah, babe!
9. Lose perspective. Allow yourself to slip. If you eat poorly one day, don't get right back on the proverbial "wagon". Let one day of poor eating lead to more days consecutively so you develop a habit of bad, bad eating. Note: it takes time, said to be 21 days, to create a new habit. One periodic "cheat" meal or treat is not enough for you to gain some serious weight.
10. Let stress rule. The holidays can be a stressful time. Forget about calming ideas such as bubble baths, spa trips, aromatherapy products, endorphin-releasing workouts, evening "you time", and quiet meditation. Give in to the pressure. Run crazily on all cylinders until you drop. Stress releases fat-hording hormones, which will encourage your body to pack on the pounds. Be sure to remember this point AFTER the holidays any time you want to gain weight quickly.
Sounds like a plan, right?
Regrettably, as silly as this list may seem, many of these "tips" are exactly what some of us end up doing. Don't let this happen to you! Do plan. Do exercise. Do eat well. Take the "don'ts" above as "dos". Take good care of yourself so that you are better able to take care of, and help, others.
Stay tuned to our blog for some true holiday weight management tips throughout the season.
You are your most valuable asset and the most important gift that you give to your friends and loved ones!
Live like it!